Permit for Performance

It was one of those suspiciously perfect spring Saturdays in Harvard Square — the kind of weather that resurrects long-forgotten yard projects from shallow graves.

Mary announced, with the triumphant calm of someone holding both sunshine and moral authority, “It’s finally a day to celebrate the nieces’ birthdays at Club Passim.”

I immediately recognized divine intervention. A family gathering was clearly superior to raking the spice garden and constructing what Mary had begun calling — with unsettling seriousness — “the humane hen house.” The town had recently granted me a permit for four hens. Four hens meant free-range eggs. Free-range eggs meant breakfast glory. Breakfast glory, apparently, required carpentry.

We strolled to the bus stop at Watertown Square and boarded Bus No. 76 like two citizens fleeing agricultural responsibility. By the time we reached Harvard Square, the family had assembled outside Club Passim — Mary’s sister, her brother, the two birthday nieces, and a swarm of friends conducting advanced cake surveillance.

After the ceremonial exchange of “You look great!” (which, in family dialect, translates to “I haven’t seen you since Thanksgiving”), Mary gently nudged my ribs.

“Look,” she whispered.

Across the street, in the window of a half-basement apartment, several exotic hens were visible.

“You should get birds like that for your coop,” she said, with the dangerous composure of someone introducing new legislation.

I drifted toward the metal staircase for a closer look. Just then, an exotic young woman — feathers braided into her purple hair — emerged, guiding the hens up the steps.

“Time for the morning performance,” she murmured, glancing at her watch.

The birds followed her with unsettling discipline.

“Are you… taking the birds for a walk?” I asked.

She regarded me kindly, the way one might regard a man who still rakes spice gardens manually. “You’ve never seen our musical dance performance in the Square? It’s very popular.”

Tammy, Mary’s younger niece, overheard and beamed. “Maybe the birds can perform at our birthday!”

The performer didn’t hesitate. She blew a sharp whistle. Instantly, the hens snapped into formation — a perfect circle. She scattered a handful of corn into the center. The birds waited. Waited. Only at a subtle change in pitch did they begin pecking in synchronized rhythm. When they finished, she stepped into the circle, and the hens re-formed around her like feathery backup dancers preparing for a modest but determined world tour.

I turned slowly to Mary.

“You see the potential? Music. Dance. Eggs. Our coop could be revolutionary.”

Mary crossed her arms. “I recall no mention of poultry choreography in the town permit. It said, ‘free-range eggs if you build the coop.’”

“Yes,” I said thoughtfully. “But it didn’t say no choreography.”

She exhaled — the sound of a woman realizing her backyard was about to require zoning review. She had wanted eggs. I was proposing a cultural institution.

As we rejoined the family, Tammy was already calculating ticket tiers and merchandising options.

And just like that, I had successfully avoided raking the spice garden.

Unfortunately, I now required architectural drawings for a four-hen amphitheater, modest stage lighting, and possibly a ticketing platform. Apparently, “humane” now included artistic expression.

The permit, I suddenly realized, had not mentioned applause limits.

City of Watertown
Office of Urban Livestock & Modest Agricultural Ambitions
149 Main Street
Watertown, Massachusetts 02472

March 12, 2026

Mr. Harry Arabian
Watertown, MA

Re: Permit Approval – Residential Hen Enclosure (Four Hens Maximum)

Dear Mr. Arabian,

The City of Watertown is pleased to inform you that your application for a Residential Poultry Permit has been reviewed and approved.

You are hereby authorized to maintain up to four (4) hens at your registered residential address, subject to the following conditions:

1. No roosters are permitted.
2. Hens must be housed within a secure, humane enclosure that protects both poultry and neighborhood harmony.
3. The coop shall be maintained in sanitary condition and situated in compliance with setback regulations.
4. Eggs produced are intended for personal household consumption and modest sharing among neighbors.

Please note that this permit applies strictly to the keeping of hens for domestic purposes. The City’s approval extends to:

• Egg production
• Humane shelter construction
• Standard feeding and care practices

This permit does not extend to:

• Amplified musical accompaniment
• Structured choreography
• Ticketed public gatherings
• Installation of theatrical lighting systems exceeding customary residential wattage
• Any use requiring audience seating, concession sales, or applause management

Should your hens demonstrate unexpected artistic inclinations, the City recommends consultation with the Cultural Affairs Commission prior to public exhibition.

We commend your interest in sustainable backyard agriculture and trust that your hens will contribute positively to both breakfast and community spirit.

Please retain this letter for your records and post a copy near the coop in a location visible to inspectors, hens, and any poultry of theatrical ambition.

With best wishes for productive mornings,

Sincerely,

Marjorie L. Donnelly
Director, Urban Livestock & Modest Agricultural Ambitions
City of Watertown

Enclosures:
• Residential Poultry Guidelines (Revised)
• Sanitation & Neighbor Courtesy Advisory
• Clarification on Applause Limits (Pending)